Johnny Depp: A Great Big Bloody Hero

History says that Johnny Depp is good at only two things: dressing like a blind man in a rag factory and running around in a funny way dressed up like a pirate.

But now it looks like we can add a third thing to the list of things Johnny Depp excels at - actually saving people's lives from certain death. It's been reported that Johnny Depp saved the lives of six extras on the set of his new movie recently by diving at them, pushing them clear of an out-of-control stunt car heading in their direction.

Which, if true, is actually quite nice. Brave even. Which is hardly very helpful for those of us who have to be rude about famous people for a living. Johnny Depp, eh? What a titting bastard.

Right now Johnny Depp is filming Public Enemies, a movie about 1930s American gangsters and the birth of the FBI. And - in news which will come as a shock to Johnny Depp's many Pirates Of The Caribbean fans - it looks as if there won't be any furious mugging on his part to make up for the fact that it's three hours long, contains no story whatsoever and co-stars a young British man who's about as charismatic as soggy dust.

But what Public Enemies will contain is six extras, all with fully-working limbs and sets of ribs that haven't been shattered into splinters by speeding period cars. And we've got Johnny Depp to thank for that.

According to reports from the set of Public Enemies, Johnny Depp saved the lives of the aforementioned extras by flinging himself at them as a runaway car sped towards them. You know, like a superhero would. eFluxMedia reports:

The 44-year-old actor was shooting a scene as bank robber John Dillinger when a stunt-driver in a 1933 Ford car sped onto a patch of ice and lost control of the vehicle. The car skidded towards the group of extras, who were standing with their backs turned and were oblivious to the imminent danger. Depp noticed the accident that was about to happen and acted. An eyewitness told News of the World: “Johnny slammed into the group with arms outspread, shoving them all back.”

That's one for the DVD extras, then. If this report is true - and not a hopelessly-inflated publicist-informed exaggeration designed to draw attention to the movie, then Johnny Depp should truly be congratulated. He's good at writing his own name and risking his life to save the innocent? People can usually either only do one or the other.

But, as honestly heartwarming as all of this is, it still leaves us in the pickle of trying to work some pithiness into affairs. The only option really left to us is to make up a lie, either about Johnny Depp slowing the stunt car down by throwing a baby under the wheels or to make a crack about how he looks. Wait, we'll flip a coin…

God, Johnny Depp sometimes grows a really stupid-looking beard.

Yeah, that'll do.

*heckler spray*

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